For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
