Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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