just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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