I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
