No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
