and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
