She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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