Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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