I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
