im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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