Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
