I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
