Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
