he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
