so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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