This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
