we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
