just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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