So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
