I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
