Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
