Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
