Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
