This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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