just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
