put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
