so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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