Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
