so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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