Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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