i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
ok first of all what the fuck
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
