I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
