That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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