I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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