Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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