i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
