If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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