"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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