So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
