Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
