YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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