he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
