I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
