Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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