you didnt know i had herpes?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize