Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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