sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Less talking, more tequila
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
