Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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