Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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