I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
