i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
