some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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