The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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