dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize