For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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